*** UPDATE: AFTER LEARNING ABOUT MULTIPLE WOMEN COMING FORWARD WITH ALLEGATIONS ABOUT JAMES DEEN’S ABUSIVE & COERCIVE BEHAVIOR, I NO LONGER ENDORSE OR SUPPORT ANY WORK THAT JAMES DEEN DOES UNTIL HE MAKES VISIBLE AND LASTING EFFORTS TO ADMIT & APOLOGIZE FOR HIS ACTIONS.***
So maybe you’ve heard of James Deen. He’s kind of popular. He’s one of the most popular male porn stars at the moment and has a loyal following of women (and probably men, too!) ages 18-24, and beyond, most likely. For more on what makes Deen so attractive, I recommend watching some of his work, through one of the excellent sites that offers it. One of my favorites are Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasm, which you can rent and buy at Self Serve.
Tristan Taormino award-winning author, columnist, editor, sex educator, and porn director. Taken at the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto, ON, Canada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I can’t tell you all the ways I love the work that Tristan Taormino does. Now you all get to love her too on her new radio show “Sex Out Loud”
The show will take calls from listeners as well as host special guests to discuss a range of topics from BDSM to polyamory. The show airs on Friday at 8 pm EST but you can listen to older shows here. It’s great to have yet another sex-positive, educated person talking about sex, culture, politics and other important topics that many radio and TV shows don’t touch on.
The show is hosted on VoiceAmerica, so go check it out. You just might learn a thing or two.
Before venturing into the world of anal play, one must be conscious of the body as a whole and specifically one’s sphincter (aka your butt hole). Porn might make it look easy and quick, but it’s no small thing to put even a small thing in your ass.
The big three pointers to remember are relaxation, lubrication and communication. Spend time relaxing your whole body and especially the muscles around the anus. If you are new to anal play, give yourself a goal to do nothing but massage the muscles and the opening of the anus for at least 30 minutes without actually inserting anything. Use lots of lube, and then a little more lube, just in case. Another important tip is to make sure you are aren’t neglecting your or your partner’s front. Stimulate her clitoris if you are with a woman and keep up a nice handjob if you’re with a man. That will make the body and muscles relax more and it will make the anal pleasure more intense.
Once you have put some effort into the relaxation and the lubrication, start with a finger — your/ your partner’s pinky is probably the best one to start with. Then slowly, with lots of communication, move to something larger. Or maybe even just stick with something small your first time, and then build up to something larger next time you try it.
Some people don’t want to do anal because of the possibility that it might be messy. Professional porn lady Stoya’s words of advice are right on. Eat healthy, if you are putting good things into your body, they won’t be so messy on the way out. Before you start, take a shower and clean your anus with some warm water. Or if you are really worried about it, carefully give yourself an enema or try anal douching. The best way to deal with a possible mess is to allow for it to happen, and come to terms with that before you start. It’s ok, messes happen and sex can be messy even if you aren’t anally inclined. So take a deep breath and remember, everyone has the same thing up their ass.
With these easy tips you are well on your way to safe, comfortable anal play. It’s not for everyone so also make sure you’re aware of your partner’s desires and keep communicating before, during and after the act so you’re on the same page.
If you want more in-depth instructions, along with some sexy people showing you the how-to, check out Tristan Taormino’s many wonderful educational DVDs. And if you want some fun anal toys with which to play, check out Self Serve’s website and search for anal toys.
Image via Wikipedia
Published in the University of New Mexico’s student newspaper, the Daily Lobo, on Jan. 29, 2010.
Your sphincter is smarter than you think.