Me in the Santa Fe Reporter!

Hi there SEXed followers,

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted because I’ve been traveling, working on Pornotopia 2013 and writing ALL THE THINGS! And instead of telling you about why I was too busy, I’ll just update you on what’s new with

My most recent, exciting news is that I’m writing a sexuality column for the Santa Fe Reporter each month! I’m really excited to share the information in my brain and the amazing work of other sex educators with Santa Fe Reporter readers.

So without further adieu, here is the October column for the Santa Fe Reporter (better late than never, amiright?).

This is not your typical sex column. My approach to sex education comes from a concept you’ve probably never heard of —sex positive.

Sex positive is the idea that pleasure is natural and healthy and that you have the capacity to experience as much or as little pleasure as you want, as long as it’s consensual and safe. It means I believe it’s important to be educational, medically accurate and supportive of diverse needs and desires.

I didn’t make this up. The idea of sex positive and sex negative was made popular by a student of Sigmund Freud named Wilhelm Reich.

Reich believed that “sexuality, fundamental to our being, and yet a source of shame for centuries, had the power to heal much of what ailed us, if only we would let it.”

The modern sex positive movement builds on that idea with another adage: not all people enjoy sex to the same degree. It’s important to state that if sex is not important to you, that’s just fine too! Many people who identify as asexual lead happy, healthy lives and maintain fulfilling relationships.

Growing up in Santa Fe gave me great insight into diversity and acceptance of ‘other’ lifestyles. Moving to Albuquerque and attending the University of New Mexico gave me even more perspective on how most New Mexicans have room for improvement when it comes to accepting sexuality as a natural, healthy part of life.

Another aspect of sex positive education is that I won’t shame you if you like being tied up, or you want to use a male chastity device. I won’t shame you if you want to have sex in the missionary position for the rest of your life and never want to be spanked. I won’t shame you if you if you want to be consensually non-monogamous and you enjoy having multiple partners. I won’t shame you if you love one person, and don’t want to bring others into your relationship. I won’t shame you if you have a fetish that doesn’t personally jive with my fantasies and desires. As a consenting adult you are able to make your own choices about your sexuality, your sexual orientation, gender identity and expression.

As the store manager at Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center; New Mexico’s only woman-owned and operated, sex-positive, education-based retail shop specializing in non-toxic sex toys — I also want to raise awareness of the incredible diversity of human sexuality. I want to help reduce shame and fear of discussions around sex and masturbation, and to help those conversations come out of the closet. These are lofty goals, I know. But you might be surprised at the number of people who crave this type of discussion around sexuality. Almost every day in my job someone tells me they have so many questions to which they want answers, but they don’t feel comfortable asking a doctor or partner.  I have visited with couples who’ve been married for 30 years, and are just now talking to each other about what their desires are, and what they want to try next.

So, let’s create a dialogue around sexuality and gender in Santa Fe that will be valuable to a diverse audience.

Next month’s November column will look at polyamory and what it means, (loving more than one person in an ethical, honest way). Santa Fe is home to a strong voice and activist for polyamory, Mim Chapman.

I welcome feedback and story ideas, which you can send to Additionally, I will answer your anonymous questions about sex and sexuality, so please feel free to send those too and check back at

Hunter Riley is a Santa Fe native living and working in Albuquerque. She is the store manager of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center.

YouTube video Monday! Three videos that will likely teach you something new

I love YouTube. Where else are you going to see someone’s reaction while they get an anus tattoo? The girl in the video below said it ‘feels good, so good’.

Continue reading

Self Serve’s review of Tenga’s high-tech male masturbatin toy, the Flip Hole

“It’s like an obstacle course for your penis, which is a good thing.”

I think it’s quite unfortunate there aren’t as many masturbation toys for men as there are for women. There is an irrational stigma against male masturbation that portrays it as gross, or creepy. Well I and many other sex-positive people want you men out there to know that masturbation is not creepy or gross.

Some sex toy companies are trying to change that stigma. And the very smart people in Japan at Tenga have developed some really excellent male sex toys. Not that there aren’t already sex toys out there for men, such as the Fleshlight. But men’s sex toys need more variety. Some people like to fuck a toy that looks like a vagina or an anus, and some guys don’t get turned on by the jelly imitation toys. Tenga is filling that niche of guys who want to masturbate with more than their hand, but don’t want something that looks like a pussy or an asshole.

Check out this article on about the rise of male masturbation toys. Don’t worry boys, soon enough you will have a plethora of pocket pussies to choose from, and more! And don’t forget about your good friend in the rear, your prostate. For lots of guys it makes ejaculation more intense. And there are already a variety of prostate and anal toys out there for you to try. Don’t be shy.

Here is a review from Self Serve in Albuquerque of Tenga’s Flip Hole.



Important information about female sexuality and orgasms

ACTION Magazine..October 1954..PAGE 11...the K...

ACTION Magazine..October 1954..PAGE 11...the KINSEY REPORT and YOUR WIFE..remember that no woman is AVERAGE .. (Love is blind and marriage restores your sight) .... (Photo credit: marsmet462)

Did you know that about 70% of women don’t achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse? That is just one of the myths that Dr. Logan Levkoff addresses in her Huffington Post piece about female sexuality. Because sex is so taboo in many cultures, it’s easy for urban myths to spread through media, word of mouth and experience.

Dr. Logan Levkoff: 5 1/2 Myths About Female Sexuality.

Well, in case you want more info about how to make a lady feel real good, here is a video from Self Serve Toys that details female masturbation techniques on beautiful puppet. Watch the video, have your lady friend watch the video and then have her go practice on herself. Then once she has the feel of it, let her show you how she likes it. After that, you’re probably on your way to orgasm city.

Something you might not know about cock rings

I work at a great sex shop in Albuquerque called Self Serve. Everyday I’m there I learn crazy/awesome/weird new things about sex and I hear lots of interesting stories about customer’s  sex lives. I also hear some of the common misunderstandings about sex and sex toys. Cock rings are one of the toys people are most confused about.

Continue reading

Take a load off your day with a massage — a prostate massage

If you’ve got a penis you may have heard about your prostate. It’s kind of important. Well lucky for you, giving your prostate a massage during sex can increase sensation and basically feel real nice when you come. The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality writes,

“The prostate gland is the size of a walnut. It is found in front of the rectum and just below the bladder, which stores urine. The prostate makes some of the milky fluid (semen) that carries sperm. The prostate wraps around a tube (the urethra) that carries urine from the bladder out through the tip of the penis.

During a man’s orgasm (sexual climax), muscles squeeze the prostate’s fluid into the urethra. Sperm, which are made in the testicles, also go into the urethra during orgasm. The milky fluid carries the sperm through the penis during orgasm.”

Just like how women have a g-spot, that if stimulated can make them ejaculate a clear fluid when they orgasm, men have their p-spot that has the same function, but most men can ejaculate without the prostate stimulation.

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Continue reading