Take My Online Course “Mastering the BJ: Interactive Skills”

I have been so busy in the last year working on a project that I hope you’ll enjoy! I teach a class at Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, NM called “Mastering the BJ: Interactive Skills”

It is one of the most popular classes we offer, so I figured it’s about time to have this class online so we can share the love with everyone who isn’t able to attend an in-store class. So, without further delay, here it is via Vimeo!

Let’s Talk About Sex…ual Assault on College Campuses

Why you don’t have to be sorry forgetting real with college students


It makes me so sad that the University of New Mexico felt the need to apologize for offering sex education to students last month. They apologized because we talked openly about prevention of some very palpable threats to safety on and off college campuses.

We—folks from the Women’s Resource Center and myself—bring sex education from a place of empowerment, consent, safety and pleasure. That last one really gets some people angry, because they’ve been taught to never talk about sex in terms of pleasure. (God forbid people actually enjoy it!) It is a clear sign of where we are as a culture to see upper-level administrators publicly pull their support for the programming of UNM’s inaugural Sex Week.

Officials apologized after they say they received around 50 complaints from a few parents and anti-abortion campus groups. They complained because we used “provocative” titles that couldn’t possibly teach students anything other than pure hedonism.

Really, I’m glad they noticed. We made the lecture titles eye-catching on purpose. After years of hosting sex education, I know it’s pretty rare that you get 75 people to come to a class titled “How to Communicate for Better Oral Sex.”

So we had a bit of fun with it and used workshop titles that would get attention and draw people in, such as “O-Face Oral,” which was a student-led workshop with standing-room only. Reid Mihalko’s “How To Be a Gentleman and Get Laid” drew a similar crowd. We even held off-campus workshops not paid for by university funds to educate people on “Negotiating Successful Threesomes” and other topics.

We aren’t alone in understanding that comprehensive sex education can lead to overall sexual health.

The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.”

If UNM students don’t have administrative support to access healthy sex education, UNM is ignoring a (potentially) really important part of coming into adulthood. Not to mention, they’re sending the message that students’ sexuality is something to apologize for, that sex is dirty, and we don’t need to provide this type of consent training to students. Obviously we do.

In mid-October, another UNM student was sexually assaulted at the Albuquerque campus. On Oct. 2, a student at Santa Fe University of Art and Design reported an incident of indecent exposure and threatening behavior.

During Sex Week, UNM released a Security and Fire Safety Report that showed a significant jump in reported sexual assaults on campus in 2013. In 2012, there were four reported cases, and in 2013, that number jumped to 11.

Even though conservative media like Breitbart and a group on campus called Students For Life had a field day by categorizing the effort as pro-abortion, many student groups have come forward to share their support for sex-positive events like Sex Week. Self Serve created a petition in support of Sex Week and received more than 1,000 signatures in under a week.

Then we got additional support when, at the end of October, both the Graduate and Professional Student Association and Associated Students of UNM passed resolutions in support of Sex Week.

I think Kat Haché said it best in an article about college sex weeks on the website Bustle. “The real danger here is not Sex Week,” Haché wrote. “The danger here is furthering the idea that sex is taboo and cannot be discussed in an open, frank manner. The danger is pretending that sex on college campuses does not exist. The danger is refusing to address issues like consent and boundaries when sexual assault is a reality for students… at universities across the country.”

We planned this event hoping it would get people talking about sex and sexual assault on college campuses. And we accomplished that goal. We knew some people wouldn’t support it, and that’s OK too. Now is the opportune moment for universities to embrace this type of education for the strides it can take to produce healthy, educated, well-rounded individuals.

This column was originally published in the Santa Fe Reporter on Nov. 4th 2014.

UNM Sex Week! The Controversy of Teaching Adults About Sex

Soooo, I helped organize UNM’s first-ever Sex Week with the Women’s Resource Center. It was a series of events both on and off campus that covered topics ranging from consent, hookup culture, safer sex, orgasms, oral sex, threesomes and more! The whole inspiration behind sex week was to provide students with comprehensive, non-shame based sex education, so people are given the tools to create healthier relationships where consent and safety are priorities, along with pleasure. 14438_100214_sexweek2web_sjo

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Self Serve’s Alternative Valentines Guide

Whether you love it or hate it – Self Serve wants you to have the most fulfilling Valentines, even if that means not celebrating it!

It’s our annual tradition to put together a guide for the month of February that finds cool events to celebrate love, self love, sex and masturbation. Continue reading

Me in the Santa Fe Reporter!

Hi there SEXed followers,

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted because I’ve been traveling, working on Pornotopia 2013 and writing ALL THE THINGS! And instead of telling you about why I was too busy, I’ll just update you on what’s new with me.sex-ed-hunter.widea

My most recent, exciting news is that I’m writing a sexuality column for the Santa Fe Reporter each month! I’m really excited to share the information in my brain and the amazing work of other sex educators with Santa Fe Reporter readers.

So without further adieu, here is the October column for the Santa Fe Reporter (better late than never, amiright?).

This is not your typical sex column. My approach to sex education comes from a concept you’ve probably never heard of —sex positive.

Sex positive is the idea that pleasure is natural and healthy and that you have the capacity to experience as much or as little pleasure as you want, as long as it’s consensual and safe. It means I believe it’s important to be educational, medically accurate and supportive of diverse needs and desires.

I didn’t make this up. The idea of sex positive and sex negative was made popular by a student of Sigmund Freud named Wilhelm Reich.

Reich believed that “sexuality, fundamental to our being, and yet a source of shame for centuries, had the power to heal much of what ailed us, if only we would let it.”

The modern sex positive movement builds on that idea with another adage: not all people enjoy sex to the same degree. It’s important to state that if sex is not important to you, that’s just fine too! Many people who identify as asexual lead happy, healthy lives and maintain fulfilling relationships.

Growing up in Santa Fe gave me great insight into diversity and acceptance of ‘other’ lifestyles. Moving to Albuquerque and attending the University of New Mexico gave me even more perspective on how most New Mexicans have room for improvement when it comes to accepting sexuality as a natural, healthy part of life.

Another aspect of sex positive education is that I won’t shame you if you like being tied up, or you want to use a male chastity device. I won’t shame you if you want to have sex in the missionary position for the rest of your life and never want to be spanked. I won’t shame you if you if you want to be consensually non-monogamous and you enjoy having multiple partners. I won’t shame you if you love one person, and don’t want to bring others into your relationship. I won’t shame you if you have a fetish that doesn’t personally jive with my fantasies and desires. As a consenting adult you are able to make your own choices about your sexuality, your sexual orientation, gender identity and expression.

As the store manager at Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center; New Mexico’s only woman-owned and operated, sex-positive, education-based retail shop specializing in non-toxic sex toys — I also want to raise awareness of the incredible diversity of human sexuality. I want to help reduce shame and fear of discussions around sex and masturbation, and to help those conversations come out of the closet. These are lofty goals, I know. But you might be surprised at the number of people who crave this type of discussion around sexuality. Almost every day in my job someone tells me they have so many questions to which they want answers, but they don’t feel comfortable asking a doctor or partner.  I have visited with couples who’ve been married for 30 years, and are just now talking to each other about what their desires are, and what they want to try next.

So, let’s create a dialogue around sexuality and gender in Santa Fe that will be valuable to a diverse audience.

Next month’s November column will look at polyamory and what it means, (loving more than one person in an ethical, honest way). Santa Fe is home to a strong voice and activist for polyamory, Mim Chapman.

I welcome feedback and story ideas, which you can send to hunter@selfservetoys.com. Additionally, I will answer your anonymous questions about sex and sexuality, so please feel free to send those too and check back at sfreporter.com.

Hunter Riley is a Santa Fe native living and working in Albuquerque. She is the store manager of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center.

YouTube video Monday! Three videos that will likely teach you something new

I love YouTube. Where else are you going to see someone’s reaction while they get an anus tattoo? The girl in the video below said it ‘feels good, so good’.

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