A study published in Sex Roles journal by Lisa Rosenthal from Yale University investigates how perceived “normal” gender roles impact confidence in sexual situations and safer sex practices.
The study participants were 357 women and 126 men that were all undergraduates at a Northeastern U.S. university. They all reported being heterosexual and sexually active. The study had participants fill out a survey on their sexual confidence and sexual assertiveness. There was also a bowl of female (aka internal) condoms placed in the cubicle with a sign that read: “Protect yourself and your partner. Please take some! Free Female Condoms.”
Strapping on a dildo with a harness can be an exciting new sexual experience to try with your partner.
Strap-on sex is a great activity for hetero and homosexual couples, as well as bisexual and trans people. It can be really exciting for a woman to play around with the role reversal and to feel like she has a penis, and lots of men find it attractive if their female partner takes control.
Men are extra lucky when it comes to anal insertion because they have a prostate, which if stimulated before and during orgasm can make ejaculation feel more explosive and intense
Dildo being used by two women. Lithograph from De Figuris Veneris (1906) by Édouard-Henri Avril (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Insertive sex can be a big deal, so make sure you are communicating with your partner before, during and after the event. Use lube, make sure your partner is relaxed and don’t forget about their other sexy parts (clitoris, penis, tits, butts and such).
For more information about strapping it on check out the above video of Self Serve’s Molly Adler as she gives a five-part video tutorial on tips and tricks for strapping it on.
Before venturing into the world of anal play, one must be conscious of the body as a whole and specifically one’s sphincter (aka your butt hole). Porn might make it look easy and quick, but it’s no small thing to put even a small thing in your ass.
The big three pointers to remember are relaxation, lubrication and communication. Spend time relaxing your whole body and especially the muscles around the anus. If you are new to anal play, give yourself a goal to do nothing but massage the muscles and the opening of the anus for at least 30 minutes without actually inserting anything. Use lots of lube, and then a little more lube, just in case. Another important tip is to make sure you are aren’t neglecting your or your partner’s front. Stimulate her clitoris if you are with a woman and keep up a nice handjob if you’re with a man. That will make the body and muscles relax more and it will make the anal pleasure more intense.
Once you have put some effort into the relaxation and the lubrication, start with a finger — your/ your partner’s pinky is probably the best one to start with. Then slowly, with lots of communication, move to something larger. Or maybe even just stick with something small your first time, and then build up to something larger next time you try it.
Some people don’t want to do anal because of the possibility that it might be messy. Professional porn lady Stoya’s words of advice are right on. Eat healthy, if you are putting good things into your body, they won’t be so messy on the way out. Before you start, take a shower and clean your anus with some warm water. Or if you are really worried about it, carefully give yourself an enema or try anal douching. The best way to deal with a possible mess is to allow for it to happen, and come to terms with that before you start. It’s ok, messes happen and sex can be messy even if you aren’t anally inclined. So take a deep breath and remember, everyone has the same thing up their ass.
With these easy tips you are well on your way to safe, comfortable anal play. It’s not for everyone so also make sure you’re aware of your partner’s desires and keep communicating before, during and after the act so you’re on the same page.
If you want more in-depth instructions, along with some sexy people showing you the how-to, check out Tristan Taormino’s many wonderful educational DVDs. And if you want some fun anal toys with which to play, check out Self Serve’s website and search for anal toys.
I work at a great sex shop in Albuquerque called Self Serve. Everyday I’m there I learn crazy/awesome/weird new things about sex and I hear lots of interesting stories about customer’s sex lives. I also hear some of the common misunderstandings about sex and sex toys. Cock rings are one of the toys people are most confused about.