This column was originally published in the Santa Fe Reporter.
Deborah Sundahl helps women and couples find the joys of the g-spotIt’s that really fun time of year again when people start making lists of what they want to do better in the new year. How about trying a new New Year’s resolution that you will be really likely to keep? Resolve to have better orgasms in 2014. For people with vaginas, one way you can have better orgasms is by getting to know your g-spot. I’m not arguing that g-spot orgasms are better than other types of orgasms, but I do think the more options you have on the orgasm menu, the better!The g-spot has sometimes been a topic of scientific debate, but there still isn’t too much conclusive evidence about what the g-spot is. The continuous lack of knowledge around parts of the body that involve pleasure is surprising to me, and I face it almost every day.Lack of research around sexuality leaves me hungry for any scientific tidbit that comes out. But frequently these reports have damning messages. A study by Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2012 titled “Is the Female G-Spot Truly a Distinct Anatomic Entity?” denies the existence of the g-spot as a specific piece of female anatomy. One of the doctors in the study, Dr. Barry R Komisaruk, said part of the problem is in the name. He suggests we restructure our thinking away from a specific spot, to an area or zone. Instead of debating about whether we should call it the g-spot, g-zone or g-district, let’s stop denying its existence. I encourage people to find, stimulate and enjoy it.Deborah Sundahl, known as a g-spot and female ejaculation pioneer, just happens to live in Santa Fe. Sundahl is the author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot: Not Your Mother’s Orgasm Book! and several educational DVDs that help women, men and couples understand the g-spot and female ejaculation. She also tours and teaches workshops around the world.In a few months, Sundahl plans to publish a new edition of the book that will include more information about sex toys, interviews and online resources.Sundahl says she rarely encounters g-spot deniers these days, probably because of the people with which she surrounds herself. At Self Serve, I see men, women and medical providers look skeptical when I show them a poster of female genital anatomy and how the g-spot neighbors the clitoris. They are very friendly neighbors.To give you a roadmap, g-spot stimulation gets to part of the internal clitoris through a sensitive area of ridged-feeling tissue on the front vaginal wall. If you put firm pressure on that spot, orgasms may occur. And through repeated stimulation, female ejaculation is likely. Female ejaculate is not urine, and is similar to prostatic fluid, one component of male ejaculate. Many women whose g-spots are stimulated during sex have stimulated their Skene’s glands, which makes it feel like they have to pee. That’s normal. Many women don’t female ejaculate because they have a hard time relaxing and getting into that feeling. Deep breathing, relaxation and bearing down can get you there. I recommend having a towel on hand.
Sundahl says she sees many people 40 years and older who are turning to a more modern, shame-free approach to sex education, similar to what she does in her workshops and DVDs.
She also educates around sacred and healing sexuality while at the same time talking about the g-spot and female ejaculation.
“We’re going to see more tantra-type approaches, because people who’ve been married, now their kids are grown and they’re still married, they want to get closer and they are hungry to find ways to do that,” she says.
“When they hear about tantra and they see the connection there and also when they learn about female ejaculation and the g-spot, it gives them a whole new perspective.”
Sundahl has helped thousands of women feel good in their bodies and experience pleasure in a way they haven’t felt comfortable doing so before. As acceptance of positive sexuality rises, hopefully science will get on board, too.
Hunter Riley is a Santa Fe native living and working in Albuquerque. She is the store manager of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center and also writes an online Q & A feature. Have sex questions? Write to firstname.lastname@example.org.