*** UPDATE: AFTER LEARNING ABOUT MULTIPLE WOMEN COMING FORWARD WITH ALLEGATIONS ABOUT JAMES DEEN’S ABUSIVE & COERCIVE BEHAVIOR, I NO LONGER ENDORSE OR SUPPORT ANY WORK THAT JAMES DEEN DOES UNTIL HE MAKES VISIBLE AND LASTING EFFORTS TO ADMIT & APOLOGIZE FOR HIS ACTIONS.***
So maybe you’ve heard of James Deen. He’s kind of popular. He’s one of the most popular male porn stars at the moment and has a loyal following of women (and probably men, too!) ages 18-24, and beyond, most likely. For more on what makes Deen so attractive, I recommend watching some of his work, through one of the excellent sites that offers it. One of my favorites are Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasm, which you can rent and buy at Self Serve.
Now, on to Deen’s advice on sex. He is in a great position to talk to men about the reality vs. fantasy aspect of porn. Deen has sex with women for a living and is a very popular star in the industry, so he’s obviously doing something right.
The following list is part of this story on a site called the BroBible. I’m not vouching for anything else on the BroBible website, but at least they have an article that talks about foreplay and consent, which is very important stuff for ‘Bros’ to be learning.
Engage in Foreplay
Women who don’t watch porn think it’s scummy and believe that all porn is the same with only slight variations in the story line. Wife starts flirting with the plumber she goes down on him and he bangs her on the kitchen table. Schoolgirl flirts with teacher, she goes down on him and he nails her on the desk. Ok, so yes this does happen in porn but not in a James Deen film. He takes his time and spends more than three minutes on foreplay before getting into it. In fact, most of his partners reach orgasm before he’s even taken off his jeans. How long do you spend on foreplay? Because that number should probably be multiplied by three. Also important to note are his multitasking skills. As he’s going down on his partner, he has one hand free to get himself primed for what’s to come. Pun intended.
“If you’re not willing to communicate with her about sex, then you might as well just masturbate,” James told Men’s Health in February. And he means that. When JD is hard at work, he keeps the lines of communication open to make sure he and his associate are on the same page. In most of the videos the girl is moaning so loudly that you can’t hear what he’s whispering. Sometimes even turning the volume all the way up made no difference because his murmurs are inaudible. From the words and phrases I could gather and piece together, James sometimes whispers about how sexy the girl is and how good everything feels but most of the time he’s asking her questions. Explicit questions that go further than “Yeah, you like that?” He’s detailing exactly what he’s doing as he’s doing it and asking how it feels or asking her permission for something he wants to do to her next. Hot.
Get a Little Rough
Which brings us to this next tip. In that same Men’s Health interview, James enthused, “You cannot have sex with everyone the same way. You have to change your sexual style to complement your partner’s, and you need to figure out what they’re into.” Once you master the art of dirty talking and can find out what she does and doesn’t like, test the waters. Pull her back by her hair so her back arches and her mouth finds yours but then kiss her gently. Keep her guessing and see how she reacts when you do something new. A lot of women want their sex lives to get kinkier but don’t know how to ask for it. Be the man by taking charge and fulfilling her needs but also be a gentleman and make sure to ask and get her permission first. A lot of Deen’s work gets into some serious stuff – spitting, whipping, choking, slapping, etc. Don’t jump right to these drastic measures to get things going. Slowly work your way there if she’s into it and talk it out as you go. Those extremes can be really scary to some women.
On a lighter note, is there anything James Deen finds scary about sex or won’t do on-camera? According to his 2012 GQ profile, “He will not have sex with someone who is unwilling to have sex with him. He will not have sex with men. He will not dress as a clown and have sex with someone; nor will he permit someone dressed as a clown to have sex with him. Clowns make James Deen uncomfortable.” Yes, that got a little off track and for that I apologize but I found that ban on clown pornography hilarious and wanted to share. Moving on…
Have Realistic Expectations
Since most of his viewers are women 18 to 24, Glamour magazine made a wise decision and called up James Deen for an interview. The questions were really tame and thus a little boring but one question about porn giving false expectations for real life sex got a notable response from James. He doesn’t think the big breasted, bleached blonde bombshells are causing men to have unrealistic expectations for their girlfriends. In fact, he thinks it has a reverse affect. “Men who view adult films are more likely to have an unrealistic expectation about themselves. Most dudes can’t have sex for 45 minutes!” Women don’t want you to have sex for an hour anyway. So don’t stress too much about making it last as long as they do in the movies. If you make a point to focus on foreplay first she won’t last long during sex either. Even if you get overly excited and are done sooner than expected, there’s always round 2, and 3.
Be Confident and Enthusiastic
James Deen is 5’8”. I’m 5’7” barefoot. In heels, I would tower over the kid. James is fit but realistically a twelve-year-old could probably still kick his ass. The writer from GQ eloquently painted this visual of James Deen on set about to engage in a threesome, “Nude, he looks even tinier than his elfin five feet eight. His body is about like an eighth grader’s. His penis is smaller than a baguette.” So yes, he’s ridiculously well endowed which probably helps his self-esteem but at the end of the day, he’s just an average looking guy with a ton of confidence. All guys are enthusiastic about sex but James is always enthusiastic about his partner. His acting skills aren’t the best (did anyone see The Canyons with Lindsay Lohan?!) so I tend to believe his enthusiasm to get his partner off is legitimate. “Ladies first” seems to be the adult film star’s mantra. As a guy, I’m sure you’ve never looked at James Deen’s face as he made his partner climax because well, boobs are also in the shot. But I have checked out his expression and his eyebrows are furrowed, his mouth is in a big O and sometimes he even stars murmuring words of encouragement like “yeah, come on baby.” It’s as if her orgasm is more important than his own which explains why he has such a huge female following. In short, be confident and enthusiastic in whatever you’re doing and you’re already ahead of the game.