The other day a patient who was coming from very far away on the train said to us, “I was going to read 50 Shades of Grey on the way down here, but then I figured I might get turned on and couldn’t do anything about it.”
Hmmmm… It occurred to me that many of my patients feel like the only time it’s good to feel that little tingle of arousal is right before you are going to have sex (with someone else or with yourself).
I am here to explode that myth.
There are any number of reasons why becoming aroused even when “there is nothing to do about it this moment” is a good thing; here are just three to start (and feel free to chime in with your own, if you’d like):
1. Becoming aroused is something you can get better at and learn to do quicker, more easily and on demand. Assuming there is nothing physiological blocking your ability to become aroused, thinking of something that turns you on will probably get your juices flowing. It can be really fleeting…just a flicker, or something more substantial which may make your genitals tingle – it may make you lubricate vaginally, it may make your pupils dilate. My experience with hundreds of women is that the more you allow your body to become aroused, the more easily it responds to outside stimulus like things you see, hear or think about. The more you become aroused the more easily you will become aroused.
2. In and of itself, without sex as a follow-up, being turned on feels good. When women talk about missing the way they used to feel when they were younger, they often mean that low level, but frequent, arousal. It can make you feel sexier, happier and more alive. There is something about being able to respond to sexy stimulus that often makes a woman feel more connected to her body and more aware of parts of her body she may otherwise ignore.
3. If you feel aroused during the day when “you can’t do anything about it,” it will probably make you more likely to initiate sex with a partner. Time and time again, women will say that their partner wishes they were more proactive when it comes to sex. Their partner wants to feel as though the woman in their life actually thinks about them and wants them. When a woman sends those signals, either obvious ones (sexy e-mails for instance), or more subtle (a stroke down the back at dinner), it makes for happier relationship.
These are just the first 3 reasons why being aroused even “when there’s nothing you can do about it,” is a good thing. Take it to heart. See how many times you can become aroused today.”
- Consent is just so damn sexy! (hunterrileysexeducation.com)
- SL Letter of the Day: Fetishes, Porn, Meatballs, and Eggs (slog.thestranger.com)